Once during a “girls time out,” a friend likened Joy to the fruit Apple, I agreed with her then. But today, I believe joy is sweeter, especially when it’s a result of a long time desire of one’s heart…
Hmm… He has been in Abuja a while now, for most of his life, I believe. And I’m a Lagos babe! So, we had to communicate by correspondence and thank God for Facebook; it’s a life saver. We had not seen for the most part of 4 years. Did I say 4? Yes, 4 long years… he came in and as I was helping him settle in, putting away his luggage and all, he was complaining about all he had gone through to get here, how things could work better in the country and all. I sat down in the couch, the back of which he sat on and was looking up at him; listening intently to all he had to say… Then he was done talking, but he still looked distressed. My heart melted and all I could think of was, what to do to calm his distress. What really could be wrong? Is there more, or is this all? How can I help? I just couldn’t bear seeing him distressed as he was… Hmm, love is a mystery… this was the same person I was wondering if I should stay by or go without a few weeks ago… For the risk of getting hurt again, should I let go of my love of about 6-7 years or should I stay and enjoy the moment, living in each moment as it unfolds? (ok, let’s quit wondering ‘cause my love is still distressed.)
So I asked “is that what’s bothering you or is there still more? You look way too distressed, and you know I don’t like for you to be.” He was quiet, but his face looked as though he didn’t quite know how to express his distress. So, for a few seconds which seemed then like eternity, he was quiet… (I wanted to get down to gist, but there we were.) “What really is this thing eating this guy away like this?” I thought, because this was a guy that would ask about every detail of my life… It beat me… Then, he blared out “let’s just get married!” The silence that followed was deafening. In a bid to calm is nerves, I had knelt with left knee on the couch and my right foot was on the floor of our friend’s living room, but as he said those words, my right knee just couldn’t hold me up any longer… I sank into the couch, paralyzed by a feeling that was strange to me; paralyzed by words I had be waiting to hear for 4 long years… my heart forgot to beat for what seemed like forever and I was speechless (my turn to be quiet,) every attempt to talk was one mutter of incoherent utterance or the other… “but…” Are you…” “I…” They made no sense whether together or separately. As thoughts ran through my mind, I attempt to form words with them, but one seemed to chase the other from my mind and everything in me was singing songs of the angels… Oh, I glimpsed eternity…
We watch movies and we see the lady screaming “yes, yes, yes” ever so joyful… But I wasn’t, that must have informed his next action. He came down into the chair and sat by me, holding my head in his hands and with my face a few inches from his, he said to me “that’s the reason you’ve been confused all this while, (he must have been reading my diary) just marry me…” Then…
I woke up! Oh, I woke up! I was about to tell him, I was not confused, I wanted to tell how much I love him, but I woke up! Oh, I woke up. And though it was a dream, my heart coulding stop experiencing what seemed to have astounded it so much that it forgot to beat. Even I had to search within myself and test this feeling, this sensation to see what it really was. First, it was too tangible to be called a feeling and sensation doesn’t quit describe it. Then it occurred to me; “this is it!” I thought out loud. “This must be it! No, it’s not fear… Fear takes away the peace, but my peace is right here in my heart” I said, feeling my heart with right hand.”But, there’s something else there!” Yes there was, it was joy! Yes, joy unspeakable. I love it! I love it! O yes, I love him! O, such joy! O, such beautiful, amazing, heartbeat-skipping, indescribable joy… In my heart!
O, I love it! I love it, I love you! I knew you’re going to be reading this, soon. This joy is so… What makes it sweeter is the love that had engulfed my heart, keeping it warm in spite of the cold in the world. I want you to know I love you! Though, it was a dream, my faith in your love for me has grown even stronger… God has given me a proof to hold on to, just when I was about to let go of my dream, our dream of 6 years… Oh, I love it, I love it, I love you! Just for the record, I’ll love you always, if that’s the only thing I do… and marry you again and again…
O, I love it!
Bisi 02:12-03/07/11
photo: fanpop.com
photo: fanpop.com
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